


A nap in the college library

by Vesperalder



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, CPTSD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Sugawara Koushi has DID, Sugawara Koushi has PTSD, dont come for me saying its not cause im diagnosed lol, except its an actual accurate depiction of it, its mostly canon compliant, just wanted to share what it was like and project at the same time bc it be like that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26397334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vesperalder/pseuds/Vesperalder
Summary: Sugawara was never someone to fall asleep just anywhere. He was constantly hyper-aware of his surroundings, his facial expressions, and how people perceived him at any given moment. So, naturally, when he woke up laying in someones lap in the library his immediate response was to panic.This is currently on an indefinite hiatus. Sorry for dropping it for now, but I do plan to pick it back up eventually.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, and a small bit of
Comments: 11
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic for Haikyuu that I've posted here, I hope you like it! I was debating keeping this first chapter as just a fluffy one-shot or if I really wanted to do the whole DID thing. I decided I wanted to spread some sort of awareness about what it could be like, and I mean maybe fanfiction isn't the worst way to do it? so here we are. I'm gonna post the first chapter now, but I have the second one written and I'll post it soon. Comments are always appreciated ^^ 
> 
> (The DID stuff doesn't really come into play yet because Suga doesn't know he has it yet either. I'm basing most of this off my own experiences as well, before and after being diagnosed.)

All last night Suga had been studying, and he’d stayed up much later than usual. He’d been pushing back his sleep schedule everyday for almost two weeks and he was on his last legs.

He mentally kicked himself for falling asleep at his last class. A three-hour lecture was not conducive to his sleep deprived state. His teacher had spent the whole time going over possible exam questions as well. Now he’d have to go back through the last chapters himself and stay up even later.

He sighed heavily as he walked toward the library. At least he could try and go over the notes he _had_ managed to take down. He walked inside and picked an empty table where he sprawled out his pitiful notes from class.

Suga flipped open his textbook to the chapter his teacher had started reading from, blinking and rubbing his eyes as he tried to focus on the words. His mind kept wandering as he read, and he realized with a frustrated groan that he hadn’t absorbed anything on the previous page.

He placed his head in his hands, convincing himself that he just needed a minute to rest his eyes before he could get back to work.

  
  


His head fell forward and he gasped sharply, realizing with a start that he’d fallen asleep. He looked around quickly and found only two sets of eyes on him: Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. They’d been studying quietly at a table behind him, and they snickered at him.

Suga rubbed his eyes and started packing up his things.

Maybe a change in scenery would help.

He picked up his bag and moved away from the giggling couple toward a large window near the back of the library. It was mostly empty, and he spotted an inviting couch, cushions warmed by the sun streaming through the window.

Against his better judgement he sat there, hoping that somehow he’d be able to study for at least the half hour that he had until his next class.

He sighed happily as he melted into the couch, closing his eyes for a moment and letting himself soak up the sun.

“Suga,” a familiar voice said after a few moments.

“Daichi?” Suga blinked open his eyes, looking up to see his friend standing over him. “Shit, did I fall asleep again?”

Daichi chuckled. “Again?”

Suga groaned. “I didn’t get much sleep last night and ended up falling asleep in class… and then again in front of the two lovebirds over there.” He jerked his thumb over toward where Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were sitting.

Daichi laughed at that, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “They’ll be teasing you at practice.”

“Most likely.” He draped an arm over his eyes. “Why couldn’t it have been Hinata and Kageyama that followed us here?” he asked. “We at least deserve those two after Asahi ditched us.”

“Asahi had his reasons, you know that,” Daichi said, sitting himself down next to Suga. “And c’mon, those two really aren’t all bad.”

Suga glared at him, but couldn’t keep it up for long. “Okay, okay… But you can’t say it didn’t get worse as soon as they told us they were dating. Tsukishima never shuts up now.”

Daichi grimaced lightly and nodded. “But I seem to remember a certain setter teared up when we finally figured out why he started caring so much more about the team.”

Suga reached around for the pillow he was leaning against and threw it at Daichi’s torso. He laughed softly and set it beside him. “So, what were you studying?”

“World History.” Suga frowned. “I can’t focus on the words at all.”

Daichi hummed. “Maybe I can help.” He reached for the book Suga had left out.

Suga told him the chapter and Daichi sat up and began reading it quietly to him. His deep voice reached Suga’s ears like a lullaby. He scooted closer to him to try and focus more on the words he was saying rather than his voice. He was reading all about the American Civil War and other nonsense, and eventually Suga gave up. He laid his head back and really tried to keep listening, giving Daichi a few “hmm”s as encouragement to keep reading.

  
  


Suga felt something brush through his hair softly. He sighed happily, snuggling closer to the warm couch cushions under him… Though, they weren’t as soft as he’d thought they’d be. Something brushed through his hair again and he started to drift closer back to consciousness.

He realized with a start that he wasn’t lying on the couch, but on someone's lap. He opened his eyes wide and sat up in a hurry, looking up to see Diachi’s startled expression.

“You fell asleep again,” Daichi said, looking a bit guilty.

Suga was only slightly relieved that he’d fallen asleep on someone he knew. He glanced down at his phone, and the time told him that he was 30 minutes late to his next class.

He’d been asleep on Diachi’s lap for almost an hour. A sudden warmth spread across his face. 

“Ah, um. Sorry for falling asleep, Daichi,” he said quickly, not meeting his eyes as he picked up his World History book. “I’ve got to go. I’m already late for my next class. Thanks.”

He wasn’t sure why he was so flustered. Daichi and he had known each other all through high school. Surely there were more embarrassing things than falling asleep on your best friend.

“No problem,” Daichi replied, his face turned away from Suga as he rushed for his next class.

Suga walked quickly down the hall, absentmindedly fixing his hair as he entered the classroom.

His teacher glanced at him and a couple students watched him walk toward his seat. He apologized for interrupting and sat down. He quickly started taking down another rushed, half-finished batch of notes.

This was gonna be a long week.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga is tired.

“Shit. I’m really sorry, Hinata.” Suga pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You’re sure you can't come?” Hinata pushed again over the phone.

“Yeah, I’m really sorry. I know I said I could make it when you asked a couple weeks ago, but it’s really important that I go see the apartment this weekend.” He sighed. “I don’t think I’ll get another chance to meet this guy in person.”

“Okay...”

“I’m really sorry, Hinata. I’ll definitely make it next time, okay?” He cringed at the empty promise.

“Hmmm, Alright!” Hinata replied, his usual cheeriness coming back. “Maybe you could write it down for next time so you definitely won’t forget!” he offered.

“I’ll make sure to do that! Now, I’ve got to go, but I’ll talk to you later.” He tried to respond just as enthusiastically as they said their goodbyes.

Suga stared down at his phone once the call ended, chewing his lip as he tapped on his notes app. He quickly found the reminder he’d made over two weeks ago.

_Dont forget about lunch with Hinata and the team on the 3rd!!! :)_

He’d even favorited it.

“Damnit.” He sighed, then scrolled to the other note he’d made only last Thursday.

_Don’t plan ANYTHING on the 3rd. You have to meet the owner and ask about that new apartment at 1:30._

He rubbed his eyes, suddenly exhausted. He stood up slowly and made his way to the shower.

* * *

He’d always been frustratingly bad at scheduling things for himself. And, as it turned out, the apartment showing was at 4:30 and not 1:30 like he’d written down. 

He’d woken up late and rushed out the door, driving the whole way to the new complex before realizing his mistake.

_This shitty sleep schedule must really be getting to me_ , he thought.

He sighed as he turned around to head back to his home, disappointed more now that he could have fit both things in his schedule for the day if he’d have paid better attention.

This was the second time in a row he’d flaked on his old team, and with everyone going to different colleges now, it was harder than ever to plan a time that they were all available.

Suga usually kept tabs on his friends’ volleyball clubs just to see how they were doing. He’d even been to a couple of close games now just to see Hinata and Kageyama scare the shit out of everyone with their quick again.

Those two had planned this lunch. Their college volleyball team had decided to take a small break after a couple of hard practice games. They’d earned it after working so hard.

He smiled sadly. He hadn’t seen Asahi or Noya in about six months, and for some of the others it had been even longer.

But as he got home he realized it was already 2:30pm, and if he went to see them now then he’d only be able to spend about an hour there to make sure he was at the new apartment early. 

It would be pointless to go now, he decided, especially after he’d already told Hinata he couldn’t make it. No sense in getting all of their hopes up for such a short visit. On top of that, he wasn’t even sure that they would still be out to lunch right now.

He sighed, resting his phone on his chest as he laid back on his couch. He really needed to get it together.

His phone buzzed suddenly and he pulled it up to his face. Daichi was calling him. He answered it and winced, immediately pulling it away from his ear.

“Suga!” a cacophony of voices came from the other line.

“Uh, hello?”

“Suga hey!” Daichi answered him. “You’re on speakerphone. Everyone wanted to say hi because you couldn’t make it.”

“Yeah! Hi Suga! How did the showing go?” Hinata asked brightly.

Suga tensed his jaw. _Yeah… I wonder._

“It went okay,” he lied, not wanting to bring up the fact that he’d gotten the times wrong.

“Only okay?” Nishinoya joked. “Was it really worth missing out on seeing _me_?”

“Noya,” Asahi chided him, “c’mon, you know Suga’s sensitive.” He laughed. “We really missed you this time though.”

“Gross,” Tsukishima added.

“Thanks guys, I really miss you too,” Suga replied, his vision blurring slightly.

“Gross,” Kageyama added again, earning a snicker from Tsukishima.

Suga laughed lightly, smiling to himself. He heard the phone slide across the table as Dacihi moved it closer to himself. 

“Hey listen, so I might be able to convince these guys to stop by your place, if you’re not too tired.”

Shit.

_Shit._

“We were thinking we could grab you a milkshake on the way. You know that barbecue joint that’s not too far away?”

“Aww, you guys,” Suga interrupted whatever he was going to say next, trying to sound cheery. “Don’t worry about me and enjoy your lunch.”

“But Suga!” Hinata chimed in. “We’re so close to your place! The milkshake won’t even be melted.”

“No really, I’m serious. I’ve actually got some studying that I need to start soon.” It wasn’t technically a lie. He should be studying.

“Okay, if you’re sure...” Hinata seemed to let it go.

Suga let out a sharp sigh. “Actually, I’d better go now. I’m in the middle of something kind of important. But I really do appreciate you guys calling me!”

“Aww, okay. Bye!” Hinata said, a chorus of goodbyes forming after his.

“I’ll see you at school, Suga,” Daichi said and ended the call.

  
  


The sudden quiet afterward seemed to engulf his room. He looked down at his phone as it went black. He cursed and angrily wiped the moisture from his eyes.

He stared down at his hands for far too long, thinking of nothing and feeling nothing. His emotions seemed to be pulled away along with himself, and after a while he didn’t feel like crying anymore.

His eyes weren’t focused on anything as he walked toward his room. He changed into a fresh shirt and got ready to drive to the apartment showing.

There would always be a next time. Next time he’d make it.

* * *

  
  


“Daichi!” Suga called, jogging a little to catch up to his friend.

“Hey, we missed you last Friday,” Daichi greeted him, adjusting his pace so Suga could catch up.

“Ugh, yeah, I really missed you guys too,” he replied, smiling sadly. “I’m glad you guys had fun, though.”

Daichi hummed in response. “So the showing. How’d that go for you?”

“Like I said, it went alright… I’m just unsure.”

“Unsure of?”

“I don’t know Daichi, I just… I think it’s too far away. And what if it’s the wrong choice? What if there’s something wrong with it or there’s a better apartment I haven't found yet?”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Suga.” Daichi smiled, then added, “How about I come check it out with you?”

“Really?” Suga asked.

“Yeah, it’s really no big deal,” Daichi replied. “We’re friends, aren’t we? Don’t act so surprised or it’ll hurt my feelings.”

Suga smiled up at him as they stopped outside of Daichi’s next class. 

“Thanks.”

“Anytime. Text me the address and I’ll let you know when I’m free.”

“I will,” Suga replied, then quickly added, “But you should text me also, just in case.”

“Already planning on it.” Daichi smiled back and turned to walk into the classroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter intentionally has a completely different vibe from the fluffiness of the last one xD. I wanted to show some of the harder stuff to deal with for someone who deals with daily amnesia stuff. I really hope you liked it! There's more to come soon. :D


	3. Chapter 3

Daichi didn’t have a free day until next Friday, so Suga had plenty of time to catch up on his studies. He’d closed his laptop feeling accomplished Thursday night. He went to bed early for the first time in a while, excited for tomorrow.

They’d agreed to meet at Suga’s current place. He waited anxiously by the door, having missed seeing Daichi at school all week. As he pulled into the driveway, Suga ran out to meet him, wrapping him in a tight hug.

“Thank you!” he said, smiling into Daichi’s shoulder.

Daichi laughed, a light pink tinge to his cheeks. “Really Suga, you’re making me feel like an awful friend,” he said as they pulled apart. “What’s got you in such a good mood?”

“Oh! I finally got caught up in my classes after… after that week that I was so exhausted.” He laughed quietly to himself, running a nervous hand through his hair.

After a few moments he looked up and caught Daichi watching him. He looked away quickly and cleared his throat.

“Well, I’m glad you caught up.”

They took Suga’s car to the complex where the new apartment was. Suga went to the front building to borrow a key from the receptionist. She happily obliged, twirling her hair around one of her manicured fingers. Suga smiled at her and left, walking back to where Daichi was waiting for him.

“I’m surprised she let us tour it by ourselves,” Suga remarked, and Daichi chuckled.

“I’m not.” 

“Why? Do you know her?” Suga asked, his brows pulling together.

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” he replied, smiling a little as if he’d just made the best joke.

They climbed the staircase to the second floor, finding the apartment door that matched the number on the key. Suga fit the key into the lock and pushed the door open.

The apartment opened up into a short entryway that led to the kitchen, and beyond that the living room. To the right was a door that led to the bedroom, and another door right next to it led to the bathroom.

“So,” Suga said, leading Daichi into the living room. “I mean, there’s one bathroom connected to the bedroom, which is nice. I know the living room isn’t as big as my own apartment, but it looks more spacious, at least.” He walked toward the bedroom, opening the door fully. “But the bedroom is much bigger.”

“I like it,” Daichi said, following behind Suga happily as he showed him around. “Looks even better than your current one, if I’m being honest.”

“Really? You think it's okay?”

“Well, it’s not like my opinion matters as much because I won’t be living here with you, but I definitely like it,” he said, walking over to the bedroom window to let in more natural light.

“R-right,” Suga said, a strange expression crossing his face. “I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t making a mistake.”

“I know.” Daichi turned around to smile at him. “So, was there anything else you wanted to look at?”

“I mean, I was kind of afraid I wouldn't have enough space for everything. I was kind of worried about the TV, but...” He walked back into the living room, lifting an arm out to measure a section of the wall. “Yeah. Looking at it again, I think everything should fit.”

“Then I'll say that if you really like it, you should definitely get it. If you were only worried about space and location, then I think it's great.”

“Right, I guess so,” Suga agreed, walking back toward the kitchen. He smoothed his hand along the countertop, imagining where he'd put all his things. 

Suga traced the design in the fake marble, and slowly he felt as though he was drifting away from the counter. The sound of the apartment’s air-conditioning started to get quieter, but at the same time it felt like the only sound in the room. Everything felt muffled as if he was underwater, and the designs of the fake marble started to burn into his vision.

“Hey." 

Suga blinked a couple times, Daichi's voice suddenly bringing him back. 

"Since that didn’t take very long, would you have time for lunch?”

“Oh." Suga rubbed his eyes, trying to get his bearings. "Good idea. Have anywhere in mind?”

“How about that barbecue place I went with the team? I still owe you a milkshake,” Daichi said, walking past him to open the door.

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” he said, letting out an uncomfortable laugh. “Aren’t you tired of that place anyway?”

“It’s been a week already, and I wanted you to try it,” he replied, stepping outside with Suga following close behind him.

“Okay, then sure!” he smiled up at him. They descended the stairs and Suga ran back to drop off the key.

The receptionist smiled at him sweetly. “You know, I don’t let just anyone tour our apartments alone.”

Suga blinked a couple times. “Oh, really? Thanks then!” The woman looked like she wanted to say more, but he was already running back to Daichi, excited for their lunch date.

* * *

The restaurant was more crowded than they expected when they got there, so they sat and waited outside, talking about grades and school and eventually volleyball. The waiter finally came to get them as Daichi started telling him about the previous weekend.

Suga laughed along with Daichi as they followed their waiter to their table.

“And then Noya laughed so hard his milkshake came out his nose,” Daichi chuckled at the memory. “Asahi handed him a tissue and ushered him off to the bathroom, and almost ran into our waiter on the way. I don’t think he liked our table very much, thinking back on it.”

Suga stared off into space as Daichi kept talking, wondering when he’d get to see everyone again. He especially missed Asahi. He, Daichi, and Asahi had been friends for so long. It was such a shock when he said he was going to follow Noya to his college. It became obvious  _ why _ when Hinata had walked in on them kissing in the equipment room after practice.

Suga sighed, looking down at his hands. He’d been trying so hard to just keep up with life lately, and sure, he was almost caught up with school now, but he felt like he was leaving his friends behind… or maybe they were leaving him behind. Why had he thought seeing that dumb apartment was more important than seeing Asahi in the first place?

He had made plans with the team first anyway, and he really, really missed them. What kind of friend could just selfishly abandon people that care about him? What sort of person was he that he couldn’t even delay seeing the apartment? He could have planned around it. He could have-

“Suga.”

He looked up, blinking in surprise.  _ How long had he been ignoring Daichi? _

Daichi’s brows pulled together. “Suga? Are you okay?”

Only then did he feel the tear that pooled over and made its way down its cheek. He frantically wiped it away, cursing as Daichi handed him a napkin.

“Shit, yeah. Just something in my eye, give me a minute.” He knew that was a bad excuse, but he needed to get out of there. He walked through the restaurant toward the bathroom, his eyes downcast.

His breathing picked up a bit as more anxious thoughts circled around in his head. He shouldn’t cry about something that was his fault. He could have tried harder to meet up with everyone. Clearly he didn’t care enough about his friends if he lied to them so effortlessly. Why did they put up with him?

The thoughts continued as he opened the door to the restroom. A shaky sigh of relief left him when he saw there was no one inside. He walked toward the sinks, careful not to look at himself in the mirror while he splashed his face with water.

He gripped both sides of the counter, trying to calm down, when he heard the door open. He panicked, grabbing some paper towels and patting his face dry. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself.

“Suga,” he heard a familiar voice say, and he finally turned around.

“Sorry, I just-” 

Daichi cut him off with a tight hug, and Suga froze, fresh tears springing up in his eyes.

He slowly wrapped his arms around Daichi, then hid his face in his shoulder.

“I just… missed everyone so much,” he whispered. He felt a hesitant hand move up from his back and settle into his hair. 

“I’ll see if anyone’s available soon. You know they missed you too, right?” Daichi’s voice rumbled soothingly in his chest. Suga pulled back, still a bit unsure.

“Did they-- Are you sure?” he asked, wiping his eyes again with his palms.

“Suga of course they did,” Daichi said, staring at him intently. “They all missed you a lot. You were a huge part of our team too.”

Suga nodded even though he wasn't sure if he believed it. Here he was, bothering Daichi with this nonsense again. Surely after this long of dealing with his insecurity, he'd have given up? He looked down at his hands, letting out a self deprecating laugh.

“Daichi, how do you put up with me?” he asked. Daichi didn’t respond, and he looked up slowly to see he was staring intently at the wall.

“Daichi?”

“Suga,” he said, turning to look at him with a serious expression on his face. “You--” 

He was cut off as someone else walked into the bathroom. Daichi immediately stood in front of Suga, blocking him from the stranger's view.

The guy didn’t even look at them, walking right past and into a stall. Suga sighed in relief, and Daichi handed him some paper towels to wipe his eyes again. Then he walked over to open the door.

“Thanks,” Suga said shakily. Daichi hummed in response.

They made their way back to their table, Suga’s head still hung a bit, but the weight he felt in his chest was a little lighter now. 

The food was delicious, and they both got chocolate milkshakes for dessert. The waiter brought them their check sometime later, and Daichi had to argue over who would pay the bill. Eventually he won, smiling as he handed the check over while Suga promised he’d buy their next meal.

* * *

Later that night when Suga was alone, he replayed what had happened in the bathroom earlier that day. A slight pink reached his cheeks as he recalled the familiar feeling of Daichi playing with his hair. 

He didn’t even think to question  _ why _ it was familiar, but he did find himself replaying the moment when they were interrupted in the restroom. What had Daichi wanted to say to him? He’d been staring so intently at the tile, and he’d looked at him with such intensity.

He found himself unable to drift off to sleep for a while, going back and forth on what Daichi could've said. He wondered if he should ask about it, but something about the way Daichi had looked scared him. Had he maybe realized he didn't want Suga around anymore? He decided he probably wouldn't ask. He didn't think he wanted to know the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are always appreciated and I'll probably always reply xD This was a fun chapter to write even tho its kinda sad I guess. Hope you like it!


End file.
